TWO ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR

Music & Lyrics: Bob Dorough
Sung by: Bob Dorough

Forty days and forty nights, didn't it rain, children?
Not a speck of land in sight. Didn't it, didn't it rain?
But Noah built the ark so tight, they sailed on, children.
And when at last the waters receded,
And the dove brought back the olive tree leaf,
He landed that ship near Mount Ararat.
And one of his children grabbed Noah's robe and said...

Hey Dad, how many animals on this old ark, anyway, huh?

Elementary, my dear, two time two is four.
Elementary, my dear, two time three is six.
Elementary, my dear, two time four is eight.
Elementary, my dear, two time five is ten.

Two times one is two, of course, and it must occur to you,
You get an even number every time you multiply by two.

Elementary, my dear, two time six is twelve.
Elementary, my dear, two time seven is fourteen.
Elementary, my dear, two times eight is sixteen.
Elementary, my dear, two times nine is eighteen.

Two times ten is twenty; eleven twice is twenty-two.
Double twelve that's twenty-four; thirteen twice is twenty-six.
Fourteen twice is twenty-eight; fifteen twice is thirty.
Now you build it up on thirty.

Sixteen twice is thirty-two, elementary.
Seventeen twice is thirty-four, elementary.
Eighteen twice is thirty-six, elementary.
Nineteen twice is thirty-eight, elementary.

Twenty twice is forty, and it must occur to you,
You can double any number, all you do is multiply by two.

Elementary, my dear, two time two is four. Woo!
Elementary, my dear, two time three is six. Yeah.
Elementary, my dear, two time four is eight. Woo!
Elementary, my dear, two time five is ten. Yeah.

Now, if you want to multiply two times 174, or some big number like
that... Two times 174 equals two times 100 plus two times 70 plus
two times 4, that's all. So two times 174 equals 200 plus 140 plus
8, or, 348. It's elementary!

Elementary... elementary...

Twice 32 is 64, elementary. Twice 33 is 66, elementary.
Twice 34 is 68, elementary. Twice 35 is 70, elementary.

Yeah, yes! It's elementary, yeah....

Now, what's two times 98?

Aww, that's hard!

No, it's very simple. Two times 98 equals two times a hundred,
minus two times two. That's 200 minus four: 196. Elementary.

Forty days and forty nights, didn't it rain, children?