By Mike Urban
Reading Eagle

Their football season ended with a last-second playoff loss that seemed as painful and deflating as a stomach punch.

But the young players were all smiles an hour later as they shared stories about the game and wolfed down pizza, mud stains still fresh on their uniforms.

“Some of the parents and coaches looked like they had just lost the Super Bowl, ... but the kids were thrilled because they all played,” said Ed Weiss of Maxatawny Township, who then coached that team from southern New Jersey.

By getting all 43 of his players into the game, Weiss proved a point he wishes more coaches and parents would realize.

“It should always be about the kids having fun,” he said.

Weiss has become president of the Kutztown Cougar Youth Football and Cheerleading Association, which gets all of its players into each game for at least a few plays.

“We should be teaching kids fundamental skills in a fun way,” he said. “There is plenty of time for them to be competitive when they get older.”

Children aged 5-13 play sports to enjoy themselves and to make friends, and often quit if they aren't enjoying themselves, experts say.

In fact, 70 percent of kids drop out of organized sports by age 13, according to the Center for Sports Parenting.

Experts agree that even young children should be encouraged to try to win.

But too many parents and coaches put an unhealthy emphasis on winning or preparing children for future glory, said Dr. Jill Givler, Kutztown University assistant professor of physical education.

“Coaches have to realize kids aren't mini-adults and that they can't treat them that way,” she said. “Coaching must be appropriate to their level of development physically, psychologically and socially.”

Locally the behavior of coaches and parents and their overemphasis on winning has grown worse, said Charles M. Jones, athletic director of the Berks County Catholic Youth Organization.

Jones remembers when he helped coach an undefeated T-ball team. A fellow coach looked at the 6-year olds and said, “There are a lot of college scholarships in their futures.”

“I asked, ‘Are you crazy?'” Jones said. “Don't put that pressure on them yet. The pressure to excel is out of hand.”

Jones pointed out that only one player on that team went on to play high school baseball.

Adults should realize there are lines they shouldn't cross, said Dr. Avidan Milevsky, KU professor of developmental psychology.

“We shouldn't be screaming at or ridiculing kids who don't achieve,” he said.

Adults who act that way should examine why they're even involved with youth sports, he said.

Are they living vicariously through a child because they have something unresolved from their own past?

Are they doing it so their team or community has bragging rights?

Do they have unrealistic expectations of their child or team?

Are they risking the health of a child by pushing too hard?

Are they distracting a child from academic work?

“Take cues from the children to see whether they are having fun and benefiting as they should be,” Milevsky said.

Once a parent threatened a Wyomissing Area Youth Football Association coach over his play calling, said R. Scott Jones, president of that league and the Berks Intercounty Youth Football League.

Other parents scream orders to their children from the bleachers, contradicting the coaches' wishes, he said.

“Parental conflicts with coaches are a dilemma in society and it's getting worse,” he said. “Some parents want to go to work and brag about their kids playing well and want them to achieve more than they're capable of.”

At their best, youth sports can teach children physical skills and how to exercise. They can build self-esteem and peer relationships. And they can help children learn teamwork and sportsmanship.

But when adults act wrongly, organized athletics can be a miserable, even damaging experience for children in which they adopt the wrong attitudes and behaviors.

Local youth sports officials have seen coaches and parents with jumbled priorities.

“There are coaches who live out their childhood dreams through the children,” said Craig R. Robinson, president of Reading American Little League.

“Kids fear coaches who make sport so competitive at an early age,” said John H. Summers of Mohnton, Mifflin Area Youth Baseball Association board member.

Former Baltimore Orioles star Cal Ripken Jr. grew up playing baseball, basketball and soccer, and knows how great youth sports can be.

But Ripken knows poor coaches and fanatic parents often sour kids on sports or encourage boorish behavior.

Through his company, Ripken Baseball, he works to encourage adults involved with organized sports to act property.

“The key is for coaches and parents to remember that the games are for the kids' enjoyment, not yours,” Ripken said. “Let children learn and discover and not feel penalized. Don't let your actions and reactions ruin the experience for them.”

Contact reporter Mike Urban at 610-371-5023 or murban@readingeagle.com.